Let Winterlight Come

[Filter: Private]

Has it only been a week since my entire opinion changed in a heartbeat? It feels like ... more than that. It feels like much more.

I may have been a little too ambitious when talking with that wolf in human clothing, especially when I said I had the authority to carry this out myself. I had forgotten how much of a labyrinth the rules of contact between the Dark Council and the Council of Eleven were. In unofficial capacities it is remarkably easy to bridge the divide. When bringing an official proposal to the table ...

I realize that we surrendered our political ambitions when the rules were being created. We didn't want to have to deal with the realities of politics abroad. We were content to keep our Churches at arms length, and let the Light Priests deal with the petty nobles. We could be a mothering force better without having to sacrifice our convictions for such tasteless matters.

Now it feels as though I am trying to push a tower down with my own two hands simply to get a hearing on a matter not related to Dark Church business. If it has to do with medicines and magic they are eager to hear our opinions, and if it has to do with protecting this country they feel like I should mind my own business.

No.

I will not mind my own business because this is not simply mine. When the bodies start piling up here as they did in Razen, they will be the ones with blood on their hands if they don't listen to me. Worse still, we have no one person in charge. We will not be able to react to put the threat down. It will go on in the dark for months. Years. It might not ever cool off.

There must be a way to get the nobles to agree to this hearing ...

[Filter: Private]

I feel as though I've stuck myself in conundrum.

It was clear to me that the moment the two of them took a liking to me that they weren't truly the Dragons. They would know exactly what I am about the moment I enter their presence. They should know the kind of man I am without me saying a word. I can put on a caring face, and that is good enough for them? The mask that I use to fool people into believing that I am truly a Dragonfearing man?

It's not simply that these are not the Dragons because the Dragons are not real. These are not the Dragons because they cannot look right through me and see my fraud. I've served in their name for years, I've helped so many in their name for years, and I haven't truly believed in Them at all in all that time.

I've ceased all my questioning though. How can I question them without revealing the only real reason I can disprove them?

Worse still, what if they are the Dragons, and They do see through me? What if they still think I'm good enough despite only using them as an excuse to help people?

...

[Filter: Private]

It is difficult to consider myself contributing when they ask me for something, and even though I give them what they ask for they give me nothing in return. I have received enough hints and promises. I would enjoy the meat of what they offer me.

[Filter: Miss Irene]

I apologise for not having the time to properly ask you how your rest went. I have been tied up.

[Filter: Private]

Once again I have no one to give a rose to. Once again I will have to go through that day helping other people with their problems, and not fixing any of mine. Once again I will be faced with a holiday that means absolutely nothing to me, and find myself accomplishing nothing for my own sake. I am the perpetual party's host. I have absolutely no enjoyment while everyone around me has the time of their lives.

What did I dream of as a child?

I am finished the preparations I have to do myself two days early. This is actually surprising. Now I will help the less fortunate priests who still have preparations of their own as we may finish all the preparation work early. Being able to rest for a few hours tomorrow night will be a deserved break for all of us.

[Filter: Father Eron]

I apologise deeply, Father. I was about to ask you a question, and then I was distracted. I completely forgot that I had asked anything, and now I cannot find the page.

[Filter: Private]

Do I feel safe even writing this down, now? With what I have learned today, it does not seem like the most appropriate thing to do... though the chances they will try to find my journal are low. I am not yet a force opposing them. They will not know that I know how... high all of this goes.

Today has been unsettling. It was Sister Lyssia's turn to ask my help, and I was tending the gardens for her. I came across a notebook in her writing that looked like a study on magical notes. I remember her being good at magic before her arrival at the temple, but before I saw the notes I was not sure of her skill. I was considering an offer to have a work of hers scribed if she would like to challenge herself, and I came across that looked like an investigation. The names of people who I have been investigating were laced with other very familiar names. Two of them sit on the Dark Council.

I put it back where I found it. She cannot be my ally in this, but I wish her luck. I will begin hiding my journal better so I do not fall into the same problem.

Time off was a surprisingly popular gift. One that quite a number of people have taken me up on so far, and that a number are ready to use as well. I am surprised I remember how to do half of these jobs now, but I suppose it never leaves you. It has not given me any additional sympathy for those who must do it, however. These are jobs that must be done.

One of the acolytes reminded me that the Night of the Dead is right around the corner. Soon enough I will have to begin preparations for that as well.

[Filter: Private]

It is a good lead. In fact, it may be the best lead I have had in my entire search. I knew the holiday would bring something out if I simply picked the right place to start digging. After all, even if it is hiding under my nose, it has to observe the same rules as I do.

I will have to follow up on it, and soon.

[Filter: Public]

Flametongue has wrapped up. As per usual I was engrossed in preparations, and then returning things to a state of normalcy. I missed some excitement while I was not looking I see.

As I have not seen anything to the effect, I would like to extend well wishes on behalf of the Church to anyone effected by the tragedy. I have read that it was a pirate attack. I do hope everyone injured is receiving proper care, and pray for those who did not make it off of the ship.

[Filter: Private]

I should have known a few days would not be enough to change anything. Chiaco will never change in that regard. It seems foolish for me to think I would have changed anything with mere appeals for respect to my own authority. It will have to be something else.